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Parenting Made Easier: The gift of a birthday can be in giving back
August 1, 2006
(c) www.LAParenting.com
 The mere thought of birthday parties seems to bring joy, excitement and anticipation to children.
And the thought of hosting birthday parties seems to bring stress, confusion and anticipation to parents at the same time.
Why is that?
For most of us, our childhood birthday parties consisted of a cake, some balloons, our parents leading a few goofy games and a group of our friends running around the backyard screaming at the top of their lungs. That was a birthday!
Today's celebrations have to have an original theme with matching invitations, decorations, entertainment, rented games and the ever-present gift bag for the ride home. This cannot be just any gift bag, but a gift bag that would rival the gift baskets of the Oscar winners.
What is the purpose of our children's birthday party, anyway? Are we trying to put on a great birthday party to celebrate our children with their friends, or are we putting on a party for the other parents? I hear parents talk about going to a child's birthday party for the sole reason of seeing what kind of three-ring circus the child's parents will put on.
(By the way, our daughter's fourth birthday party theme was a three-ring circus and we gave each kid a gift bag of a stuffed circus animal, toys, animal cookies and sundry treats. My wife thought I was joking when I wanted to rent a miniature circus tent. I was actually serious about it at the time.)
I know my kids get birthday presents from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members. They receive so many presents, in fact, we do not open them all at once. We stagger opening their presents over time so our kids can really appreciate and enjoy them.
Last year around Easter, my twin nieces had their birthday party and instead of asking for presents, their invitations asked for each guest to bring a bag of individually wrapped candy that would be collected for a local charity that helps children and families. After the party, their entire family delivered the candy to families so they all could have an Easter basket with candy.
Wow, what a breath of fresh air! My family has also been invited to, or heard of, kids' birthday parties where instead of presents, they ask for library books, gifts for local charities, canned food for the food bank and even gifts for kids at Christmas. Wouldn't it be great if everyone had a few birthday parties like one of those?
In today's world, we want our children to grow up to be giving people. We honor and respect those people who give back to the community, but we rarely teach this gift to our children. People sometimes say they would give more to others if they had more time, money, fill in the blank.
I tell my kids to always share their toys, share their food and share their space with each other. I know I need to tell our kids to share and be giving people, but also, as a parent, I need to be an example to them of a person who gives to others.
Am I doing the best job I can? Not yet, but I think it is a lifelong goal, not something you come to accomplish.
Maybe the greatest gift we can give our children for their birthday is the gift of sharing with others.
Eric McFarland, father of two, is youth ministries director at Broadmoor United Methodist Church.
(c) www.LAParenting.com
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